Its official I am an anxious mum. Whilst feeling like hell and having to force myself to stay upright so as not to drop the baby I launched myself into a day of tying myself up in knots.
First it was this little coughing thing he does. Could be he has learnt a new trick. Or maybe something is wrong! And what about his drooling and dribbling - is he having some trouble swallowing?
Then there are his poos.Is it me or are they tinged green? And did I see a streak of blood? DH assures me that no I didnt, but maybe his eyesight is playing up?
And this crying, after all, he wouldnt cry all the time if he was fine, would he? And he wont suck, so Im clearly not able to breastfeed properly, so maybe his crying is hunger?
And what about the fact his right eye is a little wonky- is it because I didnt push him out properly? Did I squash him? And now you look at it, his head from the top doesnt look symetrical, does he have brain swelling?
And he's crying like he's in pain. Maybe his umbilical hernia is more serious and he has intestine stuck in it somehow!!!
And thats how I have spent today between the coughing and sneezing. Its crazy and I never really clocked how neurotic I was until now. Even now he has cried himself to sleep and is tucked safely into his moses basket I am floating between terrified that something is wrong and berating my idiocy over it all.
And on top of it, I am cross because yesterday I declared "Sod it! He's the same whether I have milk products or not so I might as well eat that rock cake! Of course today he has been awful and I am suddenly aware of how much better he had been without me realising it. So no more milk (again) then!
Tonight I almost dread having to do it all again tomorrow. I think I need some sleep!
That's not being an anxious Mum, Carol. That's being a Mum and we've all done just the same, especially when we're aware that we're not bright and are frightened of missing something. I shall be horribly contraversial and admit that I don't like babies as much as I do toddlers because they are so fragile and I was always scared of getting it wrong. Logically I knew that they must be fairly tough or the human race would be extinct, but I still preferred it once they were capable of telling me what I was doing wrong.
ReplyDeleteThere's a whole spectrum of responses to babies and we're all on there somewhere :)
ReplyDeleteI never did 'get' babies. Or toddlers either :) But I got through ok. They all survived intact despite my occasionally incompetent parenting lol.
Do what you need to do. It's ok. Honestly. I like to think anxiety is nature's way of making sure you don't abandon the baby :)