Why Cant We Be Friends?

When we started our Home Ed journey one of the key things we were looking forward to was meeting like-minded people. After our experience in the school playgrounds we were more than happy to leave the bitching, sniping and one-up-manship behind. Im sure it will come as no surprise to hear that the HE community is just as prone to this behaviour.
Today I was talking to a friend, I am using the term loosely post phone call, on the phone about how HE was going. I was talking about how tough things were right now and how I was unhappy with how the kids were behaving . And that they weren't doing much work whilst Lucas is taking so much of my time. I dont know how but suddenly her tone of voice changed and she told me in no uncertain terms that that's how HE should be. Going on to inform me that I am somehow ruining the name of HE by following curriculums and courses, that it makes Autonomous Educators look bad and that I should stop trying to comply with the government and make them like me.

Huh? Where did that come from? Has this lady held these thoughts in her head all this time?
See, what I dont get is when it became an Us and Them situation. How does what I do reflect badly on what she does? The law states that HE must suit the child and as our children are different I dont see how my home education choices are anything to do with hers or why they should be the same.
Honestly, all I care about is making it through the day as sanely as possible with as little carnage as possible. I dont, generally give much thought to what other HE'ers are doing or not doing. I dont spend my time criticising their choices, or questioning the hows and the whys. I'm too busy.

My friend is very autonomous, and that isn't a problem for me at all. I find her family to be well bought up, polite and considerate usually. Her children are lovely and they do keep themselves occupied each day, they aren't idle. I respect her decision and wouldn't question it, its not right for me but that's about me and my family, not about her. And yet here she is, clearly unhappy, judgemental and disapproving of what I do. I don't get it.

I am a member of a small HE group that talks about all things structure. Its lovely. But are we talking about AE and how terrible it is? Are we plotting to unite with the Government to get compulsory visits? Are we gloating that our way is best? NO
What we are doing is asking for ideas and tips, what we are doing is muddling through each day and supporting each other through what is ultimately a difficult job to do. Helping each other to support and facilitate our children's learning so they make it into independent successful adulthood. We dont have time to start plotting world domination because we are far too busy angst-ing over which textbook little Johnny might prefer. *sigh*

And the saddest thing about all this is that we've been close friends for years, even with our difference of opinions on lots of things, and yet this tiny thing has changed all that. And I really dont understand why.