As usual with the decorations down, the blog made over and Christmas food mostly eaten we have entered that post-Christmas-pre-New Year limbo. I always kind of feel like I am hanging around and waiting for life to commence again during this rather odd time of year. Usually I begin my planning and tend to wax lyrical about how different my year is going to be be and all the great things we'll do. This year I am not going to bother because, lets face it, there is going to be little that works out the way I want it too this year. Or probably any time in the near future.
This year for me saw a lot of sadness and happiness, lots of secrets and surprises, lots of letting go and holding on. I have made new friends and let go of old, I have learnt lots of things about myself and others and I have had to be very self sacrificing to stand a chance of making it though. I sometimes dont feel like I can do one more hour and yet somehow I get through the days and weeks. I am less complete but more grown up than I was, and I learnt that doing the right thing isnt always the same as doing what I want.
In 2011
Nathan made it through his GCSEs and into college
Abi got a C in her English exam.
And finally conquered maths.
Emma finally found some interests and took up reading
Seb's behaviour improved and he learnt fundamentally how to read
Lucas was born
DH got very busy with work and employed a worker.
I only managed to achieve one of the things on my list this year, which was my 101 things. Art, Learning and Time Out are definite no's and Im still working on the others.
For 2012
I still want that contentment. I still want to feel at peace with my life and my decisions. I still want to not want things I cant have. I just need to accept the now, forget the what ifs, if onlys, and maybes and just hold on to what I am lucky enough to have received.
I also want this year to be one where I stop feeling I have to apologise for who I am. All I ever seem to do is say sorry; Sorry for home schooling, sorry for breastfeeding, sorry for NOT breastfeeding, sorry for being a Christian, sorry for not being Christian enough. Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, arghhhhhhhh! I dont want to keep that up.
For my family I want:
DH to continue to have enough work and to figure out how to move forward with it.
Nathan to settle down a bit and take more responsibility.
Abi to get through her exams and into Kingston Maurwood
Emma to stop avoiding work.
Seb to really read properly
Lucas to crawl/walk!!!! ( I feel mobility may be the key to his happiness, and therefore mine)
Money would be nice too :)
May everyone get what they want this year xx
Sounds like a good list, Carol. I always try to remember some advice I was given by a very wise Army Padre, that we weren't the only ones making plans because God had plans of his own for us that only made sense in hindsight.
ReplyDeleteLooking at those achievements, I bet that if you went back in time and told the then-you that those would happen, you'd either laugh or scream that people didn't understand the odds. And yet there they all are, which gives me hope for my 2 as well.
I've learned to let go of plans a little this year. I've got a lot more to do there, but I will get there. Okay, I don't know where 'there' is yet, any more than you do, but I firmly believe that it will be somewhere good for us both.
And one of my firm plans for 2012, which is on my to-do list so WILL happen, reads 'meet Carol at Kingston Maurward and see whose children can be the most embarrassing'. I'm betting on mine!
I lurch from indecision to more indecision so cannot do a list. I like yours tho :)
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