24 Weeks at the breast - success :)

When I was pregnant this time I vowed that if I was able to breastfeed to 6mths I would blog about it. Of course when I made this pact with myself I secretly didn't really think I could do it. I never expected not to breastfeed exactly but without thinking I purchased bottles and a steriliser 'in case' then went on to unsuccessfully try breastfeeding before moving on to formula milk. I have never been against breastfeeding and thought it a wonderful thing but didn't really afford it any more thought until I discovered I was pregnant with Lucas and felt convicted to succeed this time.

When Nathan arrived four weeks early he wasn't put to the breast immediately as is the practice these days. He was taken to be cleaned off whilst I was stitched up, the midwife said she needed to cup feed him and I didnt really think to question her.After I was on the ward I attempted several times to latch him and feed him but it didn't seem to work. A combination of poor technique, jaundice and earliness resulted in him being just too tired to suck. It ended with a trip to scbu, tube feeding and 6 days under phototherapy lights, and a horrid midwife who told me I was clearly too young and unable to breastfeed. It finished me off and I moved him to formula straight away.

By the time Abi was born Id been in labour 14 hours and fell asleep whilst she was looked after by a friend. For some reason which now makes no sense to me, they gave her a bottle of formula rather than wake me. I later tried to latch her and managed a half hearted feed. Following this I tried to feed her myself and managed probably 3 feedings a day myself, supplimenting the rest with a bottle. It was less than four days and she was completely formula fed.

By the time I had Emma breastfeeding was promoted more openly. I really wanted to breastfeed and didn't buy formula. Emma's actual delivery was rather speedy considering Id been induced and had such a long labour. After a tense minute waiting for her to breath and cry I was more than glad to be holding her and putting her to the breast. She was a pretty good at latching on, was a hungry baby and was happy to feed. Even when my milk came in she adapted very well. Sadly I failed to remain healthy. When she was five days old I collapsed and she needing to be bottle fed a couple times. After that I just couldn't quite reconnect with her in the same way. I was hot, high bp gave me headaches and was tearful. She was less keen to feed from me. I managed to feed her for a while but gradually replaced feeds with formula until she was fully on formula by three weeks .

Sebs birth was a planned induction at 37 weeks because I had cholastasis. He was put to the breast and sucked straight away and I assumed breastfeeding would easy. This wasn't the case and although he latched well, he was a lazy, sleepy baby who didn't suck well. He needed several cup feeds whilst in hospital, but I did express to be sure he got my milk. Once home things improved but he refused to nurse on around day 8 or 9 so I spent it expressing and syringe feeding. He fed hourly and I didn't know babies did that so thought my milk was failing I kept up a gruelling schedule with a manual pump and let dh do evening and night feeds with expressed milk in a bottle. Gradually my milk seemed to slow, he seemed hungry and I began to add in formula. By the time I got to 8 weeks he had moved fully to formula.

By the time I discovered Lucas was due, I was mixing with new friends who were advocates of breastfeeding long term and breastfeeding itself is now more widely promoted and accepted. I felt such a failure for my ignorance and inability to make breastfeeding work before and it made me really determined to succeed this time. I was lucky that on hearing my desire to breastfeed this time, my lovely friend A took me under her wing and talked to me about how to begin with breastfeeding. It was the first positive step towards breastfeeding. Nothing really prepares you for what breastfeeding is really like.It is hard work; physically, emotionally, and mentally, and I had to work hard at getting my head around it.

The first 6months were incredibly hard in ways I never expected.Lucas knew exactly what do do and immediately latched on when he was born. But  I followed the advice I was given by A and right from the beginning to try and get it right.
I put Lucas to the breast minutes after he was born and dispite having to go into hospital for observation, managed to spend a lot of the first 12 hours doing lots of skin-to-skin with him. I also managed to spend a lot of time in bed during the early days just being together, doing skin-to-skin and feeding. By day 14 things were a much more tricky and I was crying a lot. I phoned A for advice. She helped me adjust how I held him, she talked me through correct latch and reassured me all was well. This was the first of many times.
She helped me through the many breastfeeding glitches that followed. She gave me all the info I needed for getting my GP to prescribe thrush medication, she talked me through syringe and cup feeding when he went on nursing strikes(this happened several times), advised about over-supply and helped me eliminate the problem foods that were affecting him, on buying bras,she talked me through managing blocked ducts and engorgement and talked me through mastitis. She talked about nursing holds, She found a lactation consultant locally to visit me, sent me links on soothing him due to him being one of those high-needs babies,helped me pump properly to keep up my supply when it began to drop, helped me re-establish supply when he was sucking poorly, helped me see when he was ready to help himself to food. And through out it all she reassured me over and over again that I was doing ok and that Lucas was normal. I needed that, and I bet lots of mums do.

I only ever intended to make it to six months and yet throughout this journey I have become an avid promoter of breastfeeding. Now I find it hard to imagine him stopping, and I get all fuzzy at the thought of him feeding and love nothing more than those moments when he is nestled cosily and nursing whilst holding my hand. And those moments at night where he reminds me of a joey crawling to its mothers milk as he wriggles across the bed to reach my breast. And its hilarious when he is sitting there 'talking' to you then suddenly nose-dives to your breast, trying to find your nipple. And the times in the supermarket when I am feeding him and a lovely old lady pats me and says "well done dear, you are doing a good thing" His toothless grin, his gorgeous chunky legs,- all the stress has been so worth it.

Now he is six months old things suddenly(literally) seem to be easier. He has a tooth too so its yet to be determined whether he will try to take chunks out of me, and whether our breastfeeding relationship continues. However I finally feel like I have done it, albeit with more trials and difficulties that I expected. This baby has finally been given what all of my others should have had, were it not for lack of support. I can finally say,I HAVE breastfed successfully.